It was just a cookie...with some Rainbow Tears

From November 2007...

Rainbow Tears...That is what my emotions feel like today. An array of colors, tones and hues. A mixture of sadness and joy.


My little one ate a cookie last night. I know, doesn't seem significant does it...Well it is. She is 8 months old and like any other normal child she tried, held and succeeded in eating her own cookie. It was a mess but sheer and utter bliss for her. She was happy and pleased with herself and we were all happy and pleased for her. We clapped and ooed and awed.

And here come the rainbows. My other little lady, who is 6 sat in her booster seat at the dinner table struggling to eat her burrito, cheese and beans herself. STRUGGLED...while we all ooed and awed at the babies success...I was happy for the baby and sad for my 6 year old.

Sad that everyday she tries so hard but that she didn't even begin to eat anything by herself until age 3. Cookies, fishy crackers all just a different world away for her. I am sad that no matter how hard she tries she will never simply do things so easily as the baby does.

But happy all in another minute that she can even struggle to eat her food. Happy that she can walk and laugh and play and giggle and put her own boots on at times. Happy that she can use the potty by herself sometimes, that she can sometimes get into the carseat all by herself, put on her jacket all by herself and RUN RUN all by herself. Pink parts of my rainbow where I get to rejoice in the things that she can do, that she tries to do and the successes that she has.

The baby is pulling to stand now. She just decided one day that she wanted something on the coffee table and she just stood up. She made it so easy. It took my other lady 3 years to do that...3 years of physical and occupational therapy to simply stand up with support. And even then it was akward and sad and happy all at one time. So those tears are black...and frustrated and angry. but happy and pink and yellow that she did it at all.

This is how I am destined to cry forever...Happy tears for everything that she can do and that the baby can do and that my son can do and Sad tears for what she will never do, that the baby and my son will do with ease.

Tears of rainbows, mixtures of sadness and hapiness.