I don't need a doctor to diagnose me...thanks though.

When I was a little girl, I always had a very clean room.  My car was clean as I entered the driving era.  My first apartment was neat and tidy.  My first house was clean.  I always liked things in order and neat and clean.  I was raised that way.  My mother is the same...neat and tidy...

When Hailey was born that neat and tidy attitude took on a mind of its own.  My life was out of control.  I didn't handle anything very well.  I cried at the drop of a hat.  I yelled at friends and family and strangers for that matter.

Hailey age 1 year

But I could control some things.  I could control how organized I was.  I could control how clean the house was.  I could control the laundry and the dishes and the material things in our house.  I could control how neat the yard was.  I could control how everything looked on the outside even though my insides were a disaster.

Mom and Hailey age 1.5 years

I'm still that way.  I still have some pretty major elements of that behavior.  I have learned to manage it pretty well so that I only detail clean the house once a week and I don't obsess over it every minute of every day.  But I can't stand to have garbage in the bathroom garbage cans.  I can't stand to have laundry in the hampers.  I can't stand to have dishes in the sink.

When I am upset or stressed or overwhelmed...I clean things.

Does that make me weird? ~ probably.  dysfunctional? ~ in some things.  crazy? ~ aren't we all in our own ways? 

The truth is...it works for me.  It works for our family.  It works for my husband and for my children.  I was asked by one of Hailey's doctors if I was ever diagnosed...no I wasn't...do we all need a label? 

Can't we just say that it is the way that I deal? 




Mom, Aubrey age 3 & Hailey age 10


When you think that it is a weird way to be...just think...I could have turned to drugs or alcohol or other madness...instead I turned to cleaning ~ I don't think that's so bad!!

Words...real words!

It's been a long time since I've blogged.  Our family has had some crisis moments in the last month and I have had so many intimate feelings with these problems that I haven't been able to write.  I haven't been able to put my emotions into words that made any sense to anyone.  But I'm back...feeling a little bit recovered and able to take on the world once again...

Hailey has been going to speech therapy once a week since her last IEP.  She has until May to show improvement in her speech and be approved for continuing speech therapy. 

She doesn't like it.  At all.  It is hard for her.  She is frustrated.

But she tries so hard.

And finally...she can speak!!

OK so there are only a couple of words but hey, that's better than a few months ago!

She can say go, coco (our dogs name), HA (short for Hailey, we are working on the whole word), mine (you better believe she learned this one first!!) and most importantly...the most useful word in her new little vocabulary is (drum roll please...) UT OH!!

Oh my that word is the best...the water splashed out of the tub (ut oh)...the barbie fell (ok was thrown) down the stairs (ut oh)...the food jumped (ok was dumped) off of the plate (ut oh)...I could go on and on...

But I love Love LOVE it...I don't even care if it comes right after throwing the poor barbie doll down the stairs!  It is an amazing word that she can say consistently and she is so PROUD!

PROUD PROUD PROUD of herself and I love it (did I say that already?)

I am so excited for this new development and so proud of her for trying so hard to do it.  I am hoping that she continues to learn new words.

I think that it is most important to remember in this situation the same thing that I always say to my son "just do your best"...and that is all I expect of her as well...her best & I am so proud of her!